“We long to avoid this fierce, yet holy pilgrimage. Yet grief, as painful a season as it is, is a necessary part of our healing. To run from grief is to run from the very thing that can quell the pain of our loss.”

WILLIAM COWPER, 18th Century English Poet

Grief is confusing, complicated and different for everyone.

As you face this healing journey, let us remind you of some basic truths. As touchstones, may they give you strength and courage to heal your heart.

1. Resilience: The human spirit is resilient. Emotional healing is exhausting, yet possible.

2. Hope: There is always hope, even when you feel hopeless.

3. Patience: It is important to be patient with yourself while grieving because you are experiencing many strong emotions all at once. Time is your friend.

4. Courage: It takes bravery and courage to survive the death of a loved one.

5. Faith / Spirituality: Your faith or spirituality may bring you strength and comfort. A state of grace surrounds you like a warm blanket as you grieve.

6. Gratitude: Even in death there are things for which you can be grateful, (“She isn’t suffering any more,” or “I was able to love him for ten years.”)

7. Help: Asking for help is a strong and positive option, and necessary for most of us.

8. Knowledge: What you do know for certain has not changed (love for your children, love of sun on your face or a warm chocolate chip cookie, etc.).

9. Emotions: Children are taught that there are four basic emotions: mad, sad, glad and scared. This simplification helps identify your feelings, so they can be expressed appropriately.

10. Change: Change is not comfortable yet is to be expected as a part of life. It is impossible to prepare for such transitions and it can feel scary

After the death of a loved one, emotions may tumble around in your heart with a force unknown to you. You may have feelings that are confusing. You may have NO feelings, as the shock creates numbness or disconnection. You may feel as though you are losing your mind as you ride an emotional roller coaster. You are not! You are in grief. The following is a list of what you might be feeling. We hope this will help clarify and normalize the chaos within you.

1. The shock of the death

2. Why?

3. Guilt

4. Anger

5. Rage

6. Stress

7. Anxiety

8. Overwhelm

9. Sadness

10. Depression / Hopelessness

11. Emotional roller coaster1

12. PTSD (post-traumatic stress syndrome)

13. Blame

14. Pain (emotional / physical)

15. Loneliness / Isolation

16. Fear

17. Loss of identity and purpose

18. Shame

19. Meltdown

20. Feeling like a burden

21. Feeling “crazy”

22. Failure

23. Relief

24. Envy

25. Control

26. Faith / Spirituality

27. Vulnerability

pp.17-22. Excerpted from: ""The Little Book on Grief: Concerns to Consider"" by permission of the author Iris Bolton + illustrator Kit Casey. Published by Bolton Press Atlanta. Copyright 2021.

This small book is available for free. You can read the whole publication online here.