parent loss | father
"BEYOND GRIEF -
Snapshots of Life after Loss"
by permission of Gracelyn Bateman & Melody Lomboy-Lowe
Published by Luna Peak Foundation, pages 96-97. Copyright 2021.
3 minute read
Molly | 2 Years | Father
Can you describe your mementos?
“My parents bought this crucifix on a trip to Italy before I was born and my dad wore it every single day. We grew up Catholic and he loved Italy, so this was something that was special to him for many reasons. I was able to incorporate this memento into my wedding photos to remind me that he was still with me, even with his memory through a piece of jewelry! My dad was stationed in France during the Korean War and his US Army tag is something that always reminds me of his stories of life before me. Since my dad was 60 years old when I was born, there are so many chapters of his life that I was only able to hear about from others. I loved getting to learn about all of the versions of him - as a boy, a man, and eventually, as my dad. It serves as a reminder of everything that he lived through before I came along.”
What is one pro and one con of your loss?
“One pro of loss is not wanting to waste my time. I’ve filtered out a lot of negativity in my life. Maybe it’s a friend who isn’t as good of a friend, or not wanting to go certain places or do certain things just because at the end of the day I don’t enjoy doing them or being around those people. I call it quality control - just pulling out the good things and once you have those good things, really pouring yourself into those people and activities. A con is that loss is kind of awkward when it comes up in conversation. It’s hard because you want to say ‘my parents’ or ‘my dad’ and people ask more questions and then you have to say they died. Then it becomes uncomfortable, so you have to joke to not make it awkward. The con is just dealing with it on a daily basis and you can’t really prepare for that.”
What do you want others to know about your grief?
“I’ve trained people to talk about my dad. I want to talk about him and I enjoy talking about him. It’s one of my favorite subjects! So if you’re going to bring it up, please do. Don’t be scared of it, please ask me questions and don’t ignore it.”
What have you learned from loss?
“Shortly after I lost my dad, someone told me that it’s never going to get easier, it’s just going to get different. That was a very helpful foundation.”